I think I need to get myself  locked up.

Confined to solitude.

Away from this world and it's chaos.

Wouldn't that be nice?

I can hear something lurking,

dont really know what it is though.

But it feels kinda desensitized, empty in some fashion.

It has done for a while now, but I haven't really been

able to figure out what it is yet.

It feels like if I did figure it out, I would be able to reverse it, maybe.

But that isn't how it works, it's not really that easy.

Ain't that the perfect kombination of hope and doubht?

Wouldn't you agree?

It has a growth spurt that I haven't seen in anything else yet.

And the more I keep studying it, the more there is to rap my brain around.

It spinns both uncontrolabe and calmly at the same time,

Yet I sense no confusion behind it.

I guess you could call it controlled chaos.

What is real and what isn't?

Maybe one of the me's are playing me a prank?

Could be. Hmm.

Maybe, just maybe.. I'm the one who's lurking.

I miss the comfort of spontaneity.

Back then, nothing was impossible.

And now, most of it all is.

Even the most simplest of things.

They can't be done, can't be implemented.

It's total Bullshit,that's what I say.

I hate that time has made me it's bitch.

Through it's blind soldiers, it got to me as well.

It's a powerfull thing, and it is the one thing you 

can't turn back, but it does change with it's location.

So I guess that is the plan.

I'm getting outta here!

Maybe you aren't there, yet you exist.

The line between real and unreal isn't what it used to be.

I see you everywhere, making my continuality consistant.

Making my space undefendable.

Making my space a viscious place.

It sets me to longterm grief.

No wonder why I flee to that place where you only

exists in the back of my mind.

There, I can't see you wich makes it easier to forget.

Makes it easier to stop feeling you all around me.

But this night, my escaperout seems to be blocked.

Nowhere to hide, nowhere to run. Stuck.

Hysteria in you, turned into hysteria within me.

It coexists in a crowded frightfull mess.

But I try to manage, for you, for them.

For them imbecils and narrow minded, I try.

'Til my own depressing ending consumes me,

I try for you.

I get put in a corner.

I feel quite safe there.

It overlooks the whole room, my spot.

Everything seems to have a continuing calm pattern.

The sounds and the movements.

15 people sitting still, 3 people moving randomly, yet not.

They move randomly but are guided by written notes by the 15.

The three move quickly, cause you know.. how else

would they have the time to visit every household in one night?

They dissapear with a cheer.

The 15 stay put, but now in a more severe state, joy.

The joy of ripping things appart, and revealing it's bleeding insides.

Comsumtion in it's brightest form.

The unrapping is done, so what now?

Thanks must be given, so the 15 quickly move.

Move, and meet with loud happiness.

But hey.. look there, one person is still staying put, unable to move.

Cause all she sees is a former pattern going out of control.

She sees hysteria.

I do not show myself as more, anymore.

It's an odd feeling though.

It's not that I've stopped thinking that way

I'm still better, and that's a fact.

It's not just another a case of a person

with low self confidence that is

acting big to seem big.

It's based on real facts and studies.

Yeah, I'm better.

So now when the explaining is done

(I hope) I'll get back to the point.

I do not show myself as more, anymore

And the cause of that is not really 

that difficult, it's just that there's really

no point to it, at least not yet.

I just find it easier to keep myself

on the quiet side cause you know..

then it will be harder for you to

see it coming. That master plan I've been

working on, it's quite genious you see.

Can't you see it?

I am quite genious, yeah.

I'm not lieing when I say that I don't really think of you anymore.

But I would be lieing if I said that you weren't in my deams still.

Which kinda makes it hard to forget, that I would say.

I do not really believe in destinies and such

but this thing is what I would call an exeption.

The exeption to my rule, you are for true.

Cause forget I won't, and the dreams will surely remain.

And I still hold hope that we'll meet again.

It might happen, it might not.. or I could just make it happen.

But that I will not, for you are the exeption.

The exeption to the rule of coincidences.

Because if it doesn't happen, that's just fine, 'cause

there's many things that makes that randomness

a little less dull.

And if it does happen, it would mean that exeptions

really does exist, not just the belief of it.

And wouldn't that be, with lack of a better word, pretty cool?

Maybe my way of leaving you was cold and greedy.

It's sad but true, it ended that way.

But it's fine by me though, cause I couldn't care less.

Now I'm not saying that I don't care completely, but it has

gotten to that point that I just don't care for caring.

It has gotten to that point where I'm just not up for it.

There are things that is worth while though, and those

are the things that I have chosen to fight for.

Things that are just laying there, up ahead.

So you see there? I'm going for those things,

those things up ahead, while you're still standing where

my life was several years ago, moving step by step from side to side.

The simple things in life might feel safe, but safe is boring.

I just don't wanna wake up 20 years from now in my own ugly mess, and realize that maybe I could have done something about my life if I just took that shot when I had the chance, when the gun was loaded,

the aim was set and my finger was on the trigger.

And if there is one thing I know, is that boring's just not for me.

Safety for me is certainty. It wouldn't matter if I went for "it" and failed

or won, cause then... at least I would be certain that I tried

my best to get what I want.

So maybe we'll meet at a crossroad somewhere, somehow, sometime... but the only thing that would occur, is a brief pitstop.

And maybe that sounds harsh, but... at least I gave you a heads up.

Cheerios.